This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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