if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
