I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
