Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
