All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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