I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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