you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
