wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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