I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
