The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
