Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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