If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
