U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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