Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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