I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
