I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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