We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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