his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
