I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
