I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
