i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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