Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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