Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
