Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
