Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
