I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
