Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
