Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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