does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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