I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
