It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
