your parents love me but you hate me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
