Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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