I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
