He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
