There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
