He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
