I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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