Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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