i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
