i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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