Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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