im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
