I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
