i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
