Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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