So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
