i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
