Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
