just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
