He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I smell like Dick and happiness
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