i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
