He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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