Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
