Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
