no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
