god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
