To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
