are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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