Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
