They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
