My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
