Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
