What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
