i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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