we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
