i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
