Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize