he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
