I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
