Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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