i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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