After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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