Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My vagina just clenched in fear
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
