dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
