I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
